my birthday

well, it's a little past midnight and it's 82F outside right now, probably about that here on the second floor of our house. tho it's air conditioned in the basement and first floor, the cool just doesn't get up here very well. but, this is OREGON, for goddess sake... it is just not spose to be this hot for a prolonged period of time. it's not spose to be 104F for 2 days in a row!! damn! anyway, it's my 68th birthday and i just don't want to be this old. don't want to be dead yet either, so i guess 68 is the alternative to dead. My dad took us out for dinner tonight at one of our 2 favorite Greek restaurants. one reason to go there was that we had a 2 page hand-written letter from Marina, a friend in Vamos, Crete... written in Greek.. and we wanted to get it translated. The owner, Denny, did that for us and it really made me nostalgic and missing Vamos to hear what she wrote. It was mainly a response to what i'd written her in January and the pictures i'd sent. i love the people we became friends with there and miss them so much. I'd love for my dad to go with us to Crete in November. My heart is just so heavy tonight. Pop is in pretty good health for a 90 year old man, but he is just so sad and lonely without DeDe. He's outlived 2 wives, had a very full life, realized many of his ambitions, is successful and well-respected and loved... and he's lonely and tired and just doesn't have much energy for life. i think he's really wanting to die and i'm not willing to give him a lot of pollyanna shit about bucking up and there's lots to live for and yadda yadda yadda... because he wouldn't believe that and i have too much respect for him to do that. we (the family) have tried to help him focus on short term goals that would be interesting/fun etc., but he sees right through that. i totally believe that his 90th birthday party/big bash was from his point of view, a living wake which gave him an opportunity to connect with people who had been an important part of his life. he and i had a touching and teary conversation after dinner, and i told him again that i'll miss him so much when he's gone, and that i do understand why he hasn't much enthusiasm for living. he told me that he spends a lot of his time reading and re-reading DeDe's diaries, many of them dating back to the times before he married mom and she married Rush. he told me he's been doing some writing about his time with DeDe. and despite all this, i do wish he'd decide he had the energy to go to Crete with us... i know he'd love it and everyone there would adore him... and that couldn't be a bad thing. that long, long airplane trip is tough though.